I'm Alisha. I'm a 26 year old Lesbian, and mother of two (so far). I'm the girl behind Lesbanim Mom (http://lesbanim-mom.blogspot.com)
I've always been gay, but not always out. I realized I was attracted to girls when I was 13.
At thirteen though, I didn't have a clue what that really meant, except to know that if I told my family, I would be beaten within an inch of my life at the very least, disowned and out on the street at the very worst. So I hid it. I hid it from my friends, my family and from myself too. I threw myself into liking boys, because that was "normal". Being a slut was better than being Gay.
I spent the next three years binge drinking, smoking and screwing myself into a black hole of self-loathing and despair. Then I saw the light.
Her name was Jessica, and she was this unbelievably beautiful, confident and strong girl. She saw me for what I really was, even though I didn't see it. She loved me, and I loved her. I loved her in a way that I didn't know I could love anyone. I started to contemplate that maybe I was strong enough to be like Jessica and come out. Admit that I was gay and live a real life.
Then after only a few weeks of being with Jessica, I found out I was a few months pregnant. All of my contemplations ended, and I was dropped right back where I had started. Forcing myself to live the way that was accepted by my family because it was "easier".
The boyfriend and I moved in together, had our baby and lived the best life that we could. We were happy for our daughter, and were trying to be happy for each other. We spent six years trying to be happy, and trying to love each other...but eventually it just stopped working.
After our breakup, I started looking for what was going to make me happy. I tried to find a man that would make me happy, but all I got was pregnant again. I realized that I couldn't live like that anymore. I knew what I really was and it was time to move on and find out what that really meant for me.
So I uprooted (while preggo with #2) and moved to another state. I started getting my life back together, without the pressure from my family or old friends.
I met my Girlfriend, and realized what had been missing from my life. REAL LOVE.I have now been in a committed relationship for just over a year, and have “officially” come out to the world.
Coming out at my age has come with its own set of complications, but I feel like I have finally begun to really live and now I can really set an example for my daughters, being strong and secure in who I am and with who I love.
I met Alisha through Twitter, and she kindly agreed to share her picture and her story. Thanks Alisha.
Journal Week 21: Starting to Write
22 hours ago