My name is Rebecca Campbell and I am a mother of two teenage sons, an LGBT equality advocate, Christian, blogger, full time college student, and I create the on-line library cards for many of the Arizona County libraries.
Just over 4 years ago, I realized I needed to find out who I really was and why I never felt "normal" or "whole" as a human being or as a woman. I had been married for 16 years, had two children and had tried to do all the things that, as a child I was told, would make me happy. I found myself instead, profoundly unhappy. It wasn't any one thing I could put my finger on, my marriage was not going well, true, but I knew that wasn't what was causing such deep despair. It was the feeling I had that somehow, I wasn't "right" at all. I am a deeply spiritual person and the more I prayed the more the feelings of not being right increased. No, the feeling that increased was that I was living a lie.
It wasn't until I watched a movie called "When Night Is Falling" that I started to realize that what I thought was something to be denied in myself, was really who I was meant to be. I suddenly understood what lie I had been living most of my life. I was attracted to women. The feelings I had so long dismissed as aberrations were real. Once I admitted this to myself, I could for the first time, believe Psalm 139 "for you formed my inward parts: you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made" Living THE LIE was wrong, how I was made, was not!
I knew I couldn't stay married to my husband any longer. He would not have allowed an open marriage, even if I only saw other women. I only told him I wanted a divorce, not the reason why. He agreed and I filed a week later. Living in Nevada, the divorce decree came 6 days later. Several months later I came out to him and he was not surprised! He said he had suspected it for many years. I didn't know it then, but I had just taken the truest step in my adult life.
Two months later I would meet the woman who I knew was my soul mate from the moment I laid eyes on her! We have now been seeing each other for three years, and everyday of those two years our love has only deepened, and loving each other is the easiest and most natural thing in the world....
I met Rebecca through Twitter, and was very grateful when she responded in mere minutes to my desperate plea for a face of the day. Thanks Rebecca!
Check out Rebecca's blog, Truth and Love After 40.
Journal Week 21: Starting to Write
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